9 April 2014 — #haiku

mall food court
I’m leaving you
empty wrappers

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7 thoughts on “9 April 2014 — #haiku

    • hmm.. I like ’empty’ because it sums up a feeling (feeling empty) more experiential than ‘discarded’ in terms of an end of relationship, and ’empty wrappers’ means they are discarded anyway. Some how those food malls are so soulless that there is that feeling of emptiness too.
      what do you think? I bet you can write tanka!

      • Thanks Belinda, and yes, perhaps my first choice was best. I have written one or two tanka when Kristjaan picked my haiku for the tan renga challenge. I am liking the form more than I ever realized I would!

      • I asked because this poem has a tanka feel (for me). I don’t think it would gain by being longer but for e.g.

        mall food court
        she says
        I’m leaving you
        empty
        wrappers

        or

        in the mall
        food court
        she says
        I’m leaving you
        empty wrappers

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