20 May 2015 — #haiku

the childless woman
so many different hobbies
no dirty diapers

— Today’s haiku is a little contrary. The example haiku by Basho over at Carpe Diem is very sweet, and like many things about childless women, it portrays that childless women are missing something. For some childless women this is no doubt true. On the other hand, others are childless by choice. I am one of those. I am glad there are people who want to have kids and who enjoy the process, but I am certainly not one of them, so I thought I would show another side.

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26 thoughts on “20 May 2015 — #haiku

  1. Bravo … of course Basho and friends being of the old school probably didn’t even think that women might want to be anything but baby factories. The Japanese woman wasn’t even allowed to mother their children after a certain age in the upper classes .. though always respected by her children, they were their father’s property as indeed she usually was …

  2. Bravo. I agree with you completely. Although I am a mother I believe every woman has the right to choose the way of life that is right for her.

    • Thank you, and I am glad that there are mothers out there. My sister is an amazing mother and I am in awe of her abilities. I did not want that path and have ways to contribute to the world which are different (and friends, pets, and others to nurture)

      • I am glad you have expressed your position so clearly here. If you go to my blog post to this prompt you will see the storm of opinions I have unleashed on the topic. To choose not to have kids is a brave decision yet it should be a natural right for any woman.

      • Thank you Suzanne and I see and appreciate your post. Here’s what I posted over at your site in your support; “Thanks for this post Suzanne. Forest, many governments force women to bear children with policies against abortion and even birth control even in the circumstances of rape. Other governments force women to marry as teens and bear children. Even in more progressive countries women who do not bear children are seen as lacking. If they cannot bear children, people portray them as sad and tragic and always missing what they can’t have. The inspiration haiku had a bit of this flavor–the woman mothering the dolls because she so desperately wanted kids. Those of us who consciously choose not to have kids are often portrayed as misguided, selfish, and if we don’t really care for children (as I don’t) some even act as if we are monsters, when it better serves society for people who do not want kids to not have them. Even for those that LOVE kids, parenthood can be a challenge. It’s best to start the process from a position of strength. In my own case, which I feel is reflective of many, everyone for years has constantly told me I will regret the decision, that my “biological clock” will go off, and I’ll be sorry I missed out (as if I am not capable of knowing my own mind and knowing what is right for me, and nature will set it right with some chemical reaction in my body). I am turning 50 very shortly and am very happy that I have not had kids (and there are lots of kids out there, we don’t need to expand the population as a societal duty). Many feel a woman exists solely to do housework and to be a walking pair of ovaries. Even mothers usually have more goals than this. I will also say that as an adult without kids I am treated as less than people who have children, sometimes even by family. I don’t get heirlooms because I don’t have kids to pass them to–they could go to nieces and nephews after I pass. Parents are often treated as full adults whereas the rest of us are seen as not fully grown up even as we hold down jobs, pursue goals, and pay bills. I could go on, but suffice it to say that many women certainly feel judged for their decision not to have kids.”

      • Thanks so much for your intelligent comment Cathy. You have argued your point of view so clearly. I admire your thoughtful reasoning. It is so very true that childless women are often looked down on, even in this day and age. And thank you so much for adding your strong, clear voice to this debate.

      • You’re very welcome, and thanks for also engaging this discussion on your site. This is an issue I have been dealing with for long time, so I have been thinking about it for many years.

  3. Every woman must have a choice, as by the way every man has too. As I was in my early twenties I wasn’t into children, but at the end of twenties I became a father and I enjoy it a lot. Every human has the choice, must have the choice to be with our without children.
    Thank you Cathy for your inspiration and thoughts.

  4. Great haiku and nice to see your honest and true conviction in not wanting to have children. Too many assume women must want to or that they are missing something. It’s wrong. If you don’t want a child it’s an honest mature decision and shows you know yourself xx

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